Ah, the joy of reconnecting with friends, family, and co-workers—especially after a long stretch of virtual gatherings and Zoom fatigue. Now that we’re back to in-person get-togethers, it's like a breath of fresh air to see those familiar faces, share a laugh, and maybe even a hug. But as we dive back into the world of socializing, there’s one little thing we all need to remember: boundaries.

Yes, boundaries—the unsung heroes of harmonious relationships. They’re what keep us from turning into resentful hosts or grumpy guests. And trust me, no one wants to be the person silently fuming in the corner because their perfectly planned soirée has gone a little sideways. So, let’s talk about how to keep that resentment at bay, shall we?

Why an RSVP Matters

Picture this: You've spent days planning a gathering. The menu is set, the playlist is on point, and the décor? Flawless. Then, come party day, a few unexpected guests just show up unexpectedly, no RSVP. Your inner host is torn between welcoming them with open arms and secretly wondering if there will be enough food (or wine) to go around.

Here’s the thing: Ignoring an RSVP isn’t just a minor oversight—it can throw a wrench in your plans. If you find yourself dealing with this hiccup, before you respond, take a moment first to reflect:

1. Was the RSVP clear on the invitation? Maybe your invite was so beautifully designed that the “Please RSVP by…” got lost in the aesthetics. Make sure your request is front and center next time.
2. Did you give enough time to respond? Life is busy, and people forget. Make sure your guests have a reasonable window to get back to you.
3. Have you set a precedent of flexibility? If your guests have learned that showing up unannounced is no big deal, it might be time to kindly set the record straight.

The Art of the Gentle Nudge

So, what do you do when someone consistently forgets to RSVP? First, resist the urge to make a scene in front of the other guests—no one likes drama with their appetizers. Instead, have a private chat with your forgetful friend.

Explain to them how important it is for you to have an accurate headcount, whether it’s for food, seating, or simply peace of mind. Because their attendance was unexpected, accommodation may not be able to be made. Let them know you will try but cannot promise before they have time to get comfortable.

Now, if we’re talking about a paid event where expenses are shared, the stakes get a little higher. If someone drops in unexpectedly, it can be a real headache—not to mention a hit to your wallet. Stay calm, handle the situation with grace, and if possible, accommodate the surprise guest. Then, have a word with them in private about the importance of RSVPing, especially when costs are involved.

When Boundaries Become Your Best Friend

If you find that a particular friend repeatedly fails to RSVP for your events, it might be time to set some boundaries. We’re not talking about cutting them off completely (unless they’re a repeat offender who never brings wine)—just a gentle reminder that their actions have consequences. This may include having to turn them away at the door or asking for them to financially contribute for their addition to the attendees list. It is not out of bounds to let them know how much their lack of RSVP is costing you in a tactful way.  

Being intentional about your boundaries is key to maintaining your own sanity and ensuring that future gatherings remain joyful, not stressful. Setting a boundary that you do not consistently expect to be met or never address when it is not will not only not solve the problem but it also causes invitees to not give your events more of a priority than others.

Remember, boundaries aren’t about being rigid or unkind—they’re about protecting your own peace and keeping your relationships healthy. By practicing them, you’ll avoid the resentment that can build up when someone keeps pushing your buttons.

So, as you plan your next gathering, keep those boundaries in mind. They’re your best defense against the dark side of hosting. And who knows? With a little practice, you might even enjoy setting them as much as you enjoy the party itself.

Cheers to joyful gatherings, clear boundaries, and zero resentment!